"I won't grow up, never grow up, never grow up, not me." - Peter Pan

The rings are purchased. The cake and cupcakes are ordered. The flowers and decorations are decided. The Save the Dates are addressed and ready to be mailed.

I'm exhausted.

Before I ever planned on getting married, I always thought I would escape to the beach. When the wedding became a reality, I just thought there are too many people important to us that would miss out. Greg and I are both very lucky to live lives where we meet a lot of different people heading in many different directions. We too, have taken very different directions. A wedding is the first, and maybe the only time, when all those people from every stage, who have helped make us who we are now can all come together and celebrate. That thought overpowered any dream of standing on white sand at sunset and we moved forward with our church wedding.

The problem now is I feel like it's getting away from us. With every decision on flower color and cake flavor and dinner setting, the wedding becomes more about what we're doing instead of us.

I enjoy wedding planning and I know it will all be wonderful in the end, but it's just so much work and so much money. This shouldn't be about work and money. It should be about us and preparing for our lives together. Luckily, I am moving at lightning speed when it comes to planning so I feel there will be a day soon when we can sit and look at each other and really talk about what our future holds, not just how the party that will send us off with go.

Of course that begs the next question, what's in the future? April marks three years since I started at WLEX. That means, my contract is ending. So what do I want to do? I don't know. That's all I can say. I don't know what's best. For more than a year, every night I go to bed saying a prayer asking God to give me the patience to just let what's meant to be, be. That has always been something I've struggled with. Patience is not my virtue. I've been good about it for awhile, but I can only see the clock ticking down in front of me and I don't know what the answer is yet.

These are all the stresses in my life right now. But ya know what? When I lay down at night thinking of all the decisions I have to make and hoping when I decide it's the right one, I think, gosh, I am so lucky to have all these decisions to make. I've worked so hard to get to this point in my life. Who would have imagined I would have a man who loves me, who I get to spend the rest of my life with. I have a family who supports me. I have friends who always lend an ear and make me smile. I have a job which I love and am good at.

Had I known back in the fourth grade, at the age of 10 that in 2011 later I'd go home every night wondering how I am going to make this all work, I wouldn't have worried about the last 17 years so much.