Having a Conscious

Interesting day Sunday. It was pretty slow. I had a story set up with the mother of an eight day old baby whose husband is serving in Afghanistan. It was a rare "feature" piece I don't normally get to do during the week, but thought on a slow Sunday afternoon I could get away with it. Think again...

About 45 minutes before we had to leave for the story we heard on the scanners "car flipped on Athens Boonesboro road, woman trapped inside". We hit the door and got there just as they were starting to turn the car back over. My photographer started shooting and I called back to the station to tell them what was going on and ask what they wanted to do. Immediately Jennifer who was producing told me Sarah Lane and her baby were the people that had been inside the car. Sarah is the morning reporter here. I don't know her well because only a few weeks after I started she left on maternity leave. About a month and a half ago she gave birth to her first kid, a boy. Both of them and her husband were in the car.

I asked Jennifer what she wanted to do. She discussed it with the rest of the newsroom and we decided to just leave the scene and go on to our story. I won't get into specifics of the chaos that broke after that decision was made...but I will say...

It put a new perspective on what I do everyday. I wouldn't say I don't have feelings or emotions, but they're different when I'm at work. It's like there is a filter. There is only so much emotion I allow myself to feel.

I feel for the widow of the paramedic whose visitation I covered on Wednesday. He was 34 and died in a car wreck on the way home. I tell her I'm sorry for her loss, give her a hug, and I mean it. I feel for the family of the Marine who was killed in Afghanistan whose funeral I have to cover tomorrow. I know it's difficult for both families as they sit in a courtroom watching a young man found guilty Friday of breaking into an elderly couples home, tying them up, then beating the woman so badly she spent a month in the hospital and stealing their car to get away, but most of the time, it's not something I think about after the fact. I feel for it in the context of my day at work, and that's about all.

That changed Sunday afternoon. I didn't just think of the car wreck as another piece of video. It wasn't just is this a story or should we just shoot it and leave? Suddenly I felt something. "Oh my gosh, that's someone I know. Her newborn baby was inside." Instead of thinking of it in a terms of how the accident affected me and my day, I was more worried about Sarah and her baby.

I've only felt that kind feeling on one other story that I can remember. Fall last year. I was covering the death of a local marine James Brown. He died in Iraq. He was 19. After spending the afternoon talking to his best friends parents, and his best friend, who spoke to us by phone from Iraq, where he was serving with the Army, I couldn't take it anymore. As Lesli and I drove out of town, we ended up in the town square, where the employees from city hall were tying yellow ribbons around town. The week before I covered the death of another local soldier was killed in Iraq. He was 40. He had already served in the first Gulf War, but reenlisted. After seeing those yellow ribbons go up I just couldn't help but be mad. Couldn't help but think these people should not be dying over there.

I think all shows the minute I grow a conscious and can't block out real emotions when I'm running after fires, murders, shootings and car accidents, I'm not sure I'll be able to do this anymore. Or maybe the minute I don't have those occasional feelings, those real emotions, maybe I won't be able to do this anymore.