What Now?

I'm not one to avoid saying what's on my mind. That's the nice thing about having a blog. It keeps me in check. I can't just write whatever I feel like on here because that would just be inappropriate and could get me in trouble. However, there's been something I've avoided writing about that I think I can safely discuss now.

I'm leaving Lexington.

For what? I don't know. Marriage I guess.

My journey at LEX 18 has been an interesting one. I can say with 100 percent confidence that I am not the same person now I was three years ago. Not personally. Not professionally. I've changed for the better. It wasn't an easy adjustment. I definitely did not know what I was getting into when I showed up in the newsroom the first day, but through all the trials and tribulations, I've become a better reporter and an overall better person.

That is what I will miss the most.

I wanted to stay. I wanted to have the opportunities to grow here. I know the company I work for now is few and far between. However, everything I hoped for just wasn't there. After weeks of trying to negotiate, my managers couldn't wait anymore and I had to give them a decision. Would I re-sign or leave? I chose the latter. Mainly for personal reasons.

That too is unique. Never before has any decision in my life been spurred by who I am personally, not professionally. Well, I take that back. Coming to Lexington was a 50/50 decision. This however, is 100 percent personal.

I'm leaving Lexington and moving to Louisville to be with my future husband. It's what's best. It is definitely not what's easiest because, well, I don't know how I'll make a living, but it's what I need to do.

Some think it's not smart, but most are supportive. In the end, I realized I'm not staying here forever. So, even if I sign a one year contract, or two year, at that time I'll be in the same position I am now. Should I stay or should I go? However, at that time I won't have the luxury of feeling like I don't have very many responsibilities. In a year or two, we'll be married with mortgage payments, bills and thinking about having a family. Right now, our only concern is figuring out how to get to the same city, and planning a wedding.

For the longest time I said we would live in between Louisville and Lexington, but based on what opportunities I'd have at LEX and the cost of gas, we just can't afford it.

My emotions about it are all over the board. Sometimes I'm scared. Sometimes I'm not worried at all. Sometimes I think this is going to end in a big flop. Like tonight, I emailed a realtor we plant to work with in the up coming months to buy a house. What happens if I'm really unemployed at that point? Can we get a loan? Granted, our families have put us in a very nice position to have a good chunk of money available to for a down payment, but what will the bank say if I'm unemployed?

It's those little life things I've never dealt with that make me wonder how I am going to make this work. And I have to make it work. Greg and I have done everything we could think of, short of up and moving, to be in the same place. It hasn't happened. When he proposed we just said screw it, we need to put ourselves first. We can't wait on someone else to make the decision for us. We said everything else will fall into place. So far, it hasn't. At least it feels like it hasn't. I thought he'd propose and within a couple months I'd have a job offer from somewhere in Louisville and we'd be on our way. Not so much.

Of course I have no patience. Never have. That's definitely something I've learned to deal with in my three years in Lexington. As I work, hope and pray that some job will come about in Louisville, I'm repeatedly told to just have patience.

I hope they're right.